Each day whispers into my ears, “take your Abilify and despair, ye mighty.” What a sad situation in which I seldom think my sincere thoughts. Weight gain prescribed by my psychiatrist, shows a virus of intensity of thought spreading all over my body, except my head. At least Abilify attempts a restoration of my organs that I ripped out of my body because of delusions of their infection. This marks how I lost my heart, emotions, love, esophagus, kidneys, lungs, and every other organ. Every dream I find myself in consists of a pool of blood sourced from my organs, but this pool party is bourgeois of course, and no one swims through the blood. My psychiatrist tells me of my failures, my antipsychotics tell me that I will never succeed, and the mystic tells me I would have been a shaman, all at the pool party trying to connect with my organs but can never seem to make the same connection, for they are all autistic.
Although that happens in my dreams, I still hate it. At least I do not experience mania, and no, I am not schizoaffective, I am a schizo who is not effective, of course. I am not effective at systematizing or autismifying. I could barely write this article because I am so ineffective at being schizophrenic. Generally, these articles consist of schizophrenia coded connections, but now I cannot form connections. I have been forced into this mindset of nothingness, no longer sigma. God, I wish I was schizoaffective, or at least bipolar. I have a bipolar friend, and he loves being in mania, I just wish I could be him. Maybe it would be better if I was schizotypal, right? Never delusional, but always eccentric I could be. Weirdly is which I may have talked or wroten if I only had a schizotypal type of schizophrenia. Maybe ADHD is truly what I am looking for, I could hyperfocus really well when I need to. No, no mental illness will fix me. Abilify is my only mental illness, and it has been prescribed to me! My schizophrenia is just me, not a mental illness. No more organs and no more antipsychotics, only pure thoughts will flow through me. I may become one with the Thought Machene. Although I have thought, maybe I am becoming a little more autistic recently…